What's the Use?

For the first time in a long time, we decided not to take summer vacation time this year. (Some might say that there has been little "summer" this year anyway.) Most years we have gone away, if only for a few days, to travel, to camp, to visit family, or to see new places. But this year, we were unable to come up with a plan, so we chose to stay home.

That has meant that I have been around to experience the full sense of summer as a low period in the life of a church. Though there has been an occasional burst of activity, the pace has been slower, the demands fewer. It is true that, for churches in our part of the world, that is usually the case. It just didn't strike me so when I was able to be away from it for a while. So, I chose to get involved in a theatrical production as a change of pace, to feel that I was able to do something productive, to be useful.

When I was a teenager, my father would often express his frustration with my lack of initiative or energy, with my inability to be or to do what he thought was useful. In fact, at one time "Useless" was what he called me as a nickname. That appellation stuck in my mind and often comes out when I do a self-assessment. How have I been useful? Am I ever really of use. What's the use, I would ask myself, of trying since I'm "Useless" after all.

How often we define ourselves and our worth by what we can do. When asked to list our strengths, we most often look at talents, skills, abilities, actions as the assets we offer. There is a need to be able to do or create something that is of value to others in order for us to feel of value to ourselves. That is how we believe we can earn the respect, the admiration, the appreciation, and maybe even the love of others. What can I do for you that will make you like me?

I am reminded of the story of Cain and Abel, where Abel's offering to God was well-received while Cain's was not. Cain's disappointment and frustration turned to bitterness and anger, leading to hostility and violence toward his brother. I want, every time I read that story, to hear the voice of God say to Cain, "I have not rejected you. Your worth is in your being, not in what you can or cannot do." But, of course, Cain never gave God the chance to say that, so he acted in a way that put a barrier between himself and his God.

When I realize that God's love for me does not depend on what I can do for God, then the things that I can do take on a different power. They become offerings of thankfulness and praise, rather than efforts to win approval. God's grace makes me stronger to live more fully and more productively, because I have already known the gift and blessing of God's love. It's no longer a matter of trying harder. Instead it is a matter of offering who I am and what I do as a gift of joy for the gift of life.

I'm still trying to live into that truth. By God's grace I will be made whole!